eating disorders and feminism

The following post is taken from: http://musingsofafemmefeminist.blogspot.co.uk/2012/08/eating-disorders-attack-institutions.html

"Eating Disorders: Attack the Institutions, not the Sufferers

I really have no idea where to post this- on my recovery blog or here- but I guess I'll post it on both, because it's relevant in both places. I'm finding that sometimes I post about larger issues and sometimes I get more personal on here- either way, I only discuss what I think will be relevant to other people.

Since I returned home from Guatemala, I have felt completely lost. My eating disorder wasn't symptomatic in the slightest when I was in Guatemala, because I got on a regular meal schedule, my body dysmorphia was controlled due to a lack of mirrors, and because social justice is one of my greatest passions- and when I am immersed in my passions, restrictive eating and food and body rituals don't appeal to me as much. Focusing on larger issues gets me out of my own head and motivates me to focus on making the world a better place rather than destroying my body. I was terrified that when I returned home the disordered mindset and behaviors that I left at home would come back into my life with a vengeance- and I was right. 

How is this relevant to feminism at all? Because whenever I struggle with eating and body image, I am overwhelmed by feelings of guilt and disgust- guilt for being "a bad feminist, a negative role model, and a hypocrite" since I am such a strong advocate for body positivity, and disgust with myself for being "superficial and vain" when there are more important things I should be worrying about, like how to make the world a better place. Apparently, according to Post Secret, I am not the only feminist who feels this way. Check out these two archived secrets: (see images)

Knowing that other people feel the same way as I do puts this into perspective. It makes me sad to think that women berate themselves for struggling with their health, when the only way to recover from an eating disorder is through self-compassion. An eating disorder is painful enough without adding feminist guilt on top of it, and frankly, guilt over one's feminist identity is unnecessary.  

Because Anorexia Nervosa in particular manifests itself in an obsession with thinness, the average person may forget that the illness is not a diet, nor a lifestyle choice, nor a quest for beauty- but rather a direct attack on the flesh that is a symptom of larger, deep-rooted issues (In September I'll be writing an article for Libero on how an eating disorder is really a form of self-harm, so you should check it out!). The thin ideal permeates our entire culture, but only a small percentage of people have eating disorders- why? Because an eating disorder, while fueled by the thin ideal in some cases, is so much more complicatedthan a response to societal ideals. I want to remember this the next time I start hating myself for thinking about food and weight so often when I'm supposed to be a feminist. 

My eating disorder is an illness, not a reflection of my character. My eating disorder is about deeper issues, not about being vain or superficial. I can still advocate for body positivity without feeling like a hypocrite, because my struggles are very personal to me and do not negate my views on body positivity/Health At Every Size as a social movement. Besides, it's not like I am not actively working on overcoming my eating disorder. I am. I am motivated by my desire to practice what I preach as a feminist- but that doesn't mean I should hate myself in the process for not being "perfect" at recovery and self-love.

I think people forget sometimes that feminism is about standing up to oppressive institutions rather than tearing down individuals. Take patriarchy, for example: you can actively fight patriarchy, the systematic outlook of men as superior beings, without hating on individual men who are also negatively impacted by gender stereotypes and expectations (unfortunately, I don't think all feminists realize this!). So, if you want to fight institutions that perpetuate thin ideal, more power to you! Sign petitions to stop magazines from photoshopping, create your own positive body image blog, boycott stores that promote pro-ana attitudes, encourage the young people in your life to value their hearts and minds more than their appearance. However, fighting the thin ideal doesn't include placing the blame on individuals that are victims to our cultural ideals, and that includes people with eating disorders- whether it is someone you know or yourself. People with eating disorders do not deserve your anger or judgment- their personal struggle is really not your business (unless it is a loved one trying to help them with recovery) or a feminist issue. Want to make a difference? Get angry and judgmental about the societal forces that normalize disordered eating. Get angry and judgmental at the health care industry for not putting enough focus on mental health (eating disorder research receives barely any funding and insurance companies are reluctant to cover eating disorder treatment- although this has improved with recent legislation!). Get angry at our cultural ideals for being so fucked up that people who are genuinely passionate about body positivity fall for myths about food, weight, and body image just as much as people who aren't actively trying to be body positive.

I am not saying that you shouldn't hold yourself and the people around you accountable for their words and actions. If someone makes a sexist comment or insults someone else's body, by all means call them out! I would just say that if someone is going through a personal struggle, be supportive- save the feminist analysis and rage for institutions. Hating and judging myself for being both a feminist and in recovery from eating disorders has not benefited myself or society in the slightest, so I am done making my personal recovery journey into a feminist issue. I am actually quite torn about being so public about my eating disorder, because while I have always thought that it is important to be open about it to raise mental health awareness and encourage other people in recovery (making the personal the political!), it is awfully exhausting trying (and sometimes failing) to be a role model/advocate/activist all the time. When I take on these roles, I start to see myself through the eyes of other people rather than through my own eyes, and sometimes I get lost in trying to portray myself in a certain light rather than taking active steps to overcome my eating disorder for ME. Anyway, the point I'm trying to make is this: I advocate for body positivity. I am also in recovery from an eating disorder. The two are not mutually exclusive, and I have decided that I will no longer be ashamed. I will also have to think about how open I choose to be about my personal struggles in the future... 

So, if you're a feminist like me and also struggling with body image and eating- or if you know someone that fits this description- take a step back for a second and show some compassion. And in general, remember that judgment against individuals and judgment against institutions are two very different things.

Love, 

your femme feminist,

Jess"

see more at: http://musingsofafemmefeminist.blogspot.co.uk/