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Image by: Peter Cutler

The following post is taken from: http://zenhabits.net/meditation-for-beginners-20-practical-tips-for-quieting-the-mind/

Meditation is the art of focusing 100% of your attention in one area. The practice comes with a myriad of well-publicized health benefits including increased concentration, decreased anxiety, and a general feeling of happiness.

Although a great number of people try meditation at some point in their lives, a small percentage actually stick with it for the long-term. This is unfortunate, and a possible reason is that many beginners do not begin with a mindset needed to make the practice sustainable.

The purpose of this article is to provide 20 practical recommendations to help beginners get past the initial hurdles and integrate meditation over the long term:

1) Make it a formal practice. You will only get to the next level in meditation by setting aside specific time (preferably two times a day) to be still.

2) Start with the breath. Breathing deep slows the heart rate, relaxes the muscles, focuses the mind and is an ideal way to begin practice.

3) Stretch first. Stretching loosens the muscles and tendons allowing you to sit (or lie) more comfortably. Additionally, stretching starts the process of “going inward” and brings added attention to the body.

4) Meditate with Purpose. Beginners must understand that meditation is an ACTIVE process. The art of focusing your attention to a single point is hard work, and you have to be purposefully engaged!

5) Notice frustration creep up on you. This is very common for beginners as we think “hey, what am I doing here” or “why can’t I just quiet my damn mind already”. When this happens, really focus in on your breath and let the frustrated feelings go.

6) Experiment. Although many of us think of effective meditation as a Yogi sitting cross-legged beneath a Bonzi tree, beginners should be more experimental and try different types of meditation. Try sitting, lying, eyes open, eyes closed, etc.

7) Feel your body parts. A great practice for beginning meditators is to take notice of the body when a meditative state starts to take hold. Once the mind quiets, put all your attention to the feet and then slowly move your way up the body (include your internal organs). This is very healthy and an indicator that you are on the right path.

8) Pick a specific room in your home to meditate. Make sure it is not the same room where you do work, exercise, or sleep. Place candles and other spiritual paraphernalia in the room to help you feel at ease.

9) Read a book (or two) on meditation. Preferably an instructional guide AND one that describes the benefits of deep meditative states. This will get you motivated. John Kabat-Zinn’s Wherever You Go, There You Are is terrific for beginners.

10) Commit for the long haul. Meditation is a life-long practice, and you will benefit most by NOT examining the results of your daily practice. Just do the best you can every day, and then let it go!

11) Listen to instructional tapes and CDs.

12) Generate moments of awareness during the day. Finding your breath and “being present” while not in formal practice is a wonderful way to evolve your meditation habits.

13) Make sure you will not be disturbed. One of the biggest mistakes beginners make is not insuring peaceful practice conditions. If you have it in the back of your mind that the phone might ring, your kids might wake, or your coffee pot might whistle than you will not be able to attain a state of deep relaxation.

14) Notice small adjustments. For beginning meditators, the slightest physical movements can transform a meditative practice from one of frustration to one of renewal. These adjustments may be barely noticeable to an observer, but they can mean everything for your practice.

15) Use a candle. Meditating with eyes closed can be challenging for a beginner. Lighting a candle and using it as your point of focus allows you to strengthen your attention with a visual cue. This can be very powerful.

16) Do NOT Stress. This may be the most important tip for beginners, and the hardest to implement. No matter what happens during your meditation practice, do not stress about it. This includes being nervous before meditating and angry afterwards. Meditation is what it is, and just do the best you can at the time.

17) Do it together. Meditating with a partner or loved one can have many wonderful benefits, and can improve your practice. However, it is necessary to make sure that you set agreed-upon ground rules before you begin!

18) Meditate early in the morning. Without a doubt, early morning is an ideal
time to practice: it is quieter, your mind is not filled with the usual clutter, and there is less chance you will be disturbed. Make it a habit to get up half an hour earlier to meditate.

19) Be Grateful at the end. Once your practice is through, spend 2-3 minutes feeling appreciative of the opportunity to practice and your mind’s ability to focus.

20) Notice when your interest in meditation begins to wane. Meditation is
hard work, and you will inevitably come to a point where it seemingly does not fit into the picture anymore. THIS is when you need your practice the most and I recommend you go back to the book(s) or the CD’s you listened to and become re-invigorated with the practice. Chances are that losing the ability to focus on meditation is parallel with your inability to focus in other areas of your life!

Meditation is an absolutely wonderful practice, but can be very difficult in the beginning. Use the tips described in this article to get your practice to the next level!

For more information on meditation and ways to reduce anxiety see these links: 

http://www.wikihow.com/Meditate-for-Beginners

http://www.anxieties.com/133/gad-step2c#.Uyl2Q_l_t1Y

http://www.getsomeheadspace.com/meditation-for-beginners.aspx

http://www.getsomeheadspace.com/meditation-for-anxiety.aspx

http://www.tm.org/resource-pages/86-eat-meditate-exercise

http://www.freemeditation.com/meditation-basics/meditation-tips-for-beginners/

http://stopandbreathe.com/2011/03/04/meditation-101-a-10-step-beginners-guide/

http://psychcentral.com/lib/9-ways-to-reduce-anxiety-right-here-right-now/00017762

http://www.helpguide.org/mental/anxiety_self_help.htm

http://www.wikihow.com/Relieve-Anxiety

ptsd

What is post-traumatic stress disorder?

The term post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) or post-traumatic stress syndrome (PTSS) is used to name a range of symptoms you may develop in response to experiencing a traumatic event, which is outside of your 'normal' human experience. It is often a delayed response.

Just hearing news of events, such as the London bombings in July 2005, incidents in the war in Afghanistan, or the Hillsborough football stadium disaster, can have a lasting effect on you. If you are actually present during a disaster of this nature it’s likely that you will become extremely distressed.

Likewise, if you are involved in, or witness, events such as road accidents, muggings, and sexual or physical assaults, these experiences may also cause you deep emotional injury. There is no doubt that the reactions that may follow can seriously hamper and interfere with your life.

Some survivors have objected to the use of the term ‘disorder’, because they see such reactions as an entirely normal and understandable response to abnormal events. But regardless of whether the term ‘disorder’ or ‘syndrome’ is used, the diagnosis recognises that there are events and experiences that are beyond our control, and which may fill us with fear or horror, and can cause extremely disturbing psychological symptoms.

What are the symptoms?

If you have faced a traumatic experience, you may simply feel emotionally numb to begin with, and feelings of distress may not emerge straight away. But sooner or later, you are likely to develop emotional and physical reactions, and changes in behaviour, which may include some of the following: http://www.mind.org.uk/help/diagnoses_and_conditions/post-traumatic_stress_disorder

 These are all quite common reactions to a traumatic event, and many people find the symptoms will disappear in a relatively short period of time. But if they last for longer than a month, or they are very extreme, you may be given a diagnosis of PTSD.

You may also have other symptoms, such as severe anxiety, a phobia or depression. You may develop a dissociative disorder (see Mind’s booklet Understanding dissociative disorders) and suicidal feelings. There’s no time limit on distress, and some survivors may not develop post-traumatic symptoms until many years after the event.

Fearing for your life

Events in which others die, or where you thought you were going to die, may lead to more long-lasting stress responses. A study of Falkland War veterans found that people who had actually been involved in combat were most likely to get PTSD.

Harmful intentions

Man-made disasters, particularly those involving deliberate acts of violence, terrorism, or exploitation, seem to cause longer-lasting and more painful emotional consequences than natural disasters. The crucial factor may be that such experiences destroys people’s trust in others, particularly if they involve someone you have depended on.

Conscious memories

People who remain conscious throughout the experience are more vulnerable to PTSD because of the horrific memories etched on the mind, whereas those who lose consciousness or suffer head injury are protected.

Personal circumstances

Your personal history can make you more prone to PTSD. If a traumatic event triggers memories of an earlier distressing experience, the effect may be much worse. Similarly, if you are already going through emotional problems, you are also much more vulnerable.

Guilt feelings

Sometimes survivors of trauma feel guilty, as though they were responsible for the event, or could have done more to save themselves or others. One study showed that those who blamed themselves in some way for the outcome of the disaster were more at risk of severe and long-term distress.

How can I deal with a traumatic event?

After a traumatic event, people often feel numb, dazed and disorientated. Talking about what has happened to them may be the last thing they want to do. Many survivors have said that what they found most useful, to begin with, was practical advice, followed by information and support with day-to-day tasks.

Talking about your feelings may be the best way of coming to terms with the experience. Everyone will have their own unique responses, and will need to proceed at their own pace. You may turn to friends, relatives and colleagues, or seek professional help when you decide you do want to talk about what you’ve been through.

It is important that you have an opportunity to talk to someone when you are ready to do so. However, you should not be made to talk before you are ready, or even at all, if you do not want to. Research has shown that debriefing immediately after traumatic events, by making you describe every detail, may make PTSD more likely, because it may help to establish memories of the event by bringing them into the conscious mind, increasing the risk of flashbacks or nightmares.

Many people go through a period of denial after a bereavement or a traumatic event. Researchers have suggested that this allows you time away from the trauma, similar to unconsciousness. This research also suggests that challenging or interrupting this by insisting you talk about the trauma is harmful. It is also possible that while you are apparently ‘in denial’, you may subconsciously be beginning to face the trauma.

However, if you bottle up stress responses over months or years, they may become deeply ingrained and cause serious problems. You may remain in a state of extreme tension long after the trauma has passed. You may find yourself avoiding situations, in case they remind you of the trauma, so that life becomes increasingly restricted. Not uncommonly, you may turn to alcohol or drugs in an attempt to avoid painful feelings and memories. In trying to avoid the problem though, you are also avoiding getting appropriate help. There are various organisations that can provide the details of counsellors experienced in treating PTSD. For more information, see ‘Useful contacts’.

It can be very helpful for you to share your experiences with others who have been through something similar. This can be an extremely important step in moving away from isolation and towards regaining control of your life. You may find it especially useful to contact an organisation specialising in your particular type of experience; for example, soldiers who have seen combat, victims of violent crime or sexual assault, and people who have been tortured or who are refugees. (see ‘Useful contacts’).

triggers

A trauma trigger is an experience that triggers a traumatic memory in someone who has experienced trauma. A trigger is thus a troubling reminder of a traumatic event, although the trigger itself need not be frightening or traumatic.

Triggers can be quite diverse, appearing in the form of individual people, places, noises, images, smells, tastes, emotions, animals, films, scenes within films, dates of the year, tones of voice, body positions, bodily sensations, weather conditions, time factors, or combinations thereof. Triggers can be subtle and difficult to anticipate, and can sometimes exacerbate post-traumatic stress disorder, a condition in which trauma survivors cannot control the recurrence of emotional or physical symptoms, or of repressed memory. A trauma trigger may also be referred to as a trauma stimulus or a trauma stressor.

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Film trigger warnings

An article written by Victoria Brewster for http://www.thefword.org.uk

 

In January the Hollywood adaptation of Girl with the Dragon Tattoo was released in the cinema, and there was a lot of TV advertising. The trailers were pretty slick, so it took me a while before I got bored enough of them to read the small-print consumer warning at the bottom of the screen. I was very surprised to read it warned of scenes of "violence and strong sex". I had seen the Swedish adaptation already, and knew that it featured one of the most brutal rape scenes I've ever seen on film. When this part of the film comes on, I have to either leave the room or physically hide my face.

Part of the reason I am affected so strongly is because, like around a quarter of the female population I have been the victim of sexual assault. This has led to post-traumatic stress disorder, and I am sometimes 'triggered' by visual media. The term 'trigger' stems from cognitive behavioural therapy, and means something that can bring about a viscerally real memory of the traumatic event. Some websites (and most feminist websites) will post 'trigger warnings' on content that discusses common triggers, such as descriptions/depictions of sexual assault.

It was surprising, then, that a film which obviously would be covering a very graphic and violent rape scene did not properly warn against it. After all, "strong sex" could mean anything. It could just as easily mean there were very graphic but consensual sex scenes, as scenes of rape against both a man and a woman. If I were going to see the film for the first time without having any other experience of The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo, I wouldn't have expected to see rape. As it happens, I didn't go and see the film in the cinema, not wanting to risk a panic attack. Forewarned is forearmed.

But this vague wording of a consumer warning made me wonder just how often people (mostly women) who suffer PTSD are properly warned about films they're going to see, or DVDs they're going to buy. Every film released in the UK is subject to a rating by the British Board of Film Classification (BBFC) - this is the PG, 12A, 15 or 18 rating that we all know about. But the majority of films also have a brief description of what content in the film has brought about the board's decision. On a DVD, this appears in the little coloured square on the back of the cover. In a cinema release, it's a bit more hit and miss. Some trailers, like the one for The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo, will have it in small print at the bottom of the screen, while others might have it on the cinema listing, or appear before the film begins. But the consumer ratings for all film releases, past and present, can be found at the BBFC website.

With the help of Twitter, my friends and family, and a few movie-geek message boards, I compiled a list of 61 films with various ratings that featured scenes of rape or sexual abuse. Most of these were 15 or 18 rated films, but there were five rated PG or 12/12A. What surprised me most was that, of these five low-rated films, none of them warned of any kind of sexual violence. There were warnings for sex scenes, violent activity, swearing - but nothing suggesting that these could be particularly harmful to RSA victims. Of the higher rated films, only 31% of the 15s and 35% of the 18s warned of sexual violence. None of the films' warnings used the word 'rape'.

It could be argued that the job of the BBFC is not to protect adults, but to advise parents so that children don't stumble onto something they're too young to handle. But the BBFC website says they consider "the possible effect not only on children but also on other vulnerable people". Besides which, although I don't have children, I would think that most parents would want to be forewarned if the film their child is about to watch features someone being raped. The BBFC prints consumer content warnings anyway. How much more ink is needed to write four letters: R A P E?

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this website lists quite a lot of potentially triggering movies:

http://secretsswollen.tripod.com/forum/triggers.html

below is a small list of movies / tv shows with potential triggers.

Mysterious Skin (contains male rape and themes of child abuse), American History X (male rape and attempted rape/ intimidation)

Buffy the Vampire Slayer (contains attempted rape in season 6),

South Park  and Family Guy (contain 'jokes' making light of rape/abuse throughout),

A Clockwork Orange (contains rape/ attempted rape/ intimidation) 

Creep (contains attempted rape and torture),

The Doors (contains domestic abuse/ violence),

Bully, Frenzy, Platoon, Extremities, Apocalypto, Blue Velvet, Straw Dogs, Deliverance, Flesh+Blood, Scum (1979), The Accused
Pariah (1998), Stir of Echoes, Shame (1987), Shame (1992)
Boys Don't Cry, Monster (2003), Hannie Caulder, Buster and Billie
Thelma & Louise, The Virgin Spring, Rosemary's Baby
The Joy Luck Club, Death Wish (1974), Murder One (1988)
When She Says No, Two Women (1960), She Said No (1990)
Sudden Impact (1983), Something Wild (1961), Macon County Jail,

The Rape of Richard Beck, Jackson County Jail (1976), Introducing Dorothy Dandridge,  Untamed Heart (attempted rape)
The Violation of Sarah McDavid, Our Guys: Outrage at Glen Ridge
Overkill: The Aileen Wuornos Story, West Side Story (attempted)
Sin & Redemption, Breaking Bad (marital), The Glass House aka Truman Capote's The Glass House, Things Behind the Sun (2001) (The IMDB reviews of this mention the power of the rape scenes, that they are truly horrific.) Rob Zombie's Unrated version of Halloween, The Crow, Deliverance, I Spit on Your Grave, Death Wish I, II and III, Bastards out of Carolina, The Accused, The Notorious Betty Page (implied), Cape Fear, Holocaust (implied), The Devil's Advocate (implied), Salo, Irreversible,  GI Jane,  The Last House on the Left, Audition, North Country, Casualties of War, Anatomy of a Murder, A Patch of Blue, J.D's Revenge, Soldier Blue, Something Wild, Sudden Impact, What's Love Got to do With it?, Black Snake Moan, The Hills Have Eyes, The Duchess, The General's Daughter, A Serbian Film, Lipstick, Blindness, Hounddog, The Walking Dead (TV Series, Freeze Me, Hounddog, Boys Don't Cry, Monster, The Evil Dead, Multiple Maniacs, American Me, Trust, Happiness, Mountain of the Cannibal God, The Human Centipede 2, The Witch Who Came From The Sea, Showgirls, The Big Racket, Portrait of a Serial Killer, Forced Entry, Compliance, Banana Cue, The Devil's Advocate (implied)

 If triggers in films are a problem for you, I also recommend finding a film you're thinking of watching on IMDb first, there is a section called 'parent's guide' for each movie with full details of potentially disturbing scenes.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0065421/parentalguide

another online list of movies with potential triggers:

http://www.pandys.org/escapinghades/triggeringmedia.html

they have also compiled a list of tv programs with the same:

http://www.pandys.org/escapinghades/triggeringmediat.html

and books:

http://www.pandys.org/escapinghades/triggeringmediab.html

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That's My Boy

informtion taken from http://annyjacoby.wordpress.com/2012/06/16/new-adam-sandler-movie-thats-my-boy-glorifies-outdated-views-on-healthy-sexuality/


Numerous media outlets are reporting that Adam Sandler’s new movie “That’s My Boy” makes light of statutory rape in its depiction of a thirteen-year old boy’s sexual relationship with his teacher at school. That relationship results in the teacher’s pregnancy, a jail sentence, and Sandler’s character being forced to raise the child himself. When the child turns eighteen, he leaves home and does not interact with his father again until the eve of his wedding, when the Sandler character shows up at his home in need of money.
Some will argue in defense of this movie by stating that the story ultimately focuses on the characters’ reconciliation and that since the movie is a comedy, advocates such as organizations like Prevent Child Abuse America, Darkness to Light and Stop It Now! are taking the story line too seriously. We would suggest that these arguments are specious at best. They do not excuse the movie’s outdated views on child sexuality, and the sexuality of boys specifically, much less the long term impact of sexual abuse on children. Nor do these arguments ameliorate the fact that the corporate culture of Columbia Pictures and Happy Madison Productions is one that embraces child rape as a means for making a profit.
“It goes without saying,” stated Jim Hmurovich, President & CEO, Prevent Child Abuse America, “that Adam Sandler and Columbia Pictures would never have made a similar movie about a thirteen-year old girl and a teacher of hers, so how is it that in 2012 they still find it acceptable to make such a movie about a character who is a boy? This is a movie about rape, plain and simple, and while we could have an endless dialogue about how is this is a comedy, or a story that highlights the resilience of children, I call upon the viewing public to express their strong disapproval. Along with my colleagues from Darkness to Light and Stop It Now! we have sent the producers of the film an offer to discuss how misguided this attempt at humor is, and what message can be salvaged from this screenplay. All of us regardless of what we do in our lives have a responsibility to the children and families in this country. I suggest we figure out together how they can fulfill that responsibility in a way that supports the healthy development of all children.”

another good article on this issue can be found here: http://goodmenproject.com/good-feed-blog/adam-sandler-and-rape-culture/

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photo from http://www.survivorsmanchester.org.uk



Male Rape and Sexual Assault


Within our society, men and boys can suffer appalling sexual assaults and humiliations, but rarely does a victim cry out for help. Such is his feeling of shame, he will often be as desperate to keep it a secret as his attacker is. Confusion, depression and a sense of inescapable isolation are common reactions. They can wreck a man's life. The effects of sexual abuse on men are in many ways similar to those on women, but the response of society is markedly different. Men are seen as strong protectors, capable of defending themselves and those that they care about. When rape occurs feelings of shame, guilt, bewilderment and disbelief often lead to a change of self-esteem. Frequently men feel unable to express their anger and rage at what has happened to them and turn it in on themselves. In a twist that doesn't occur in female rape, sometimes the perpetuator of male rape will arouse his victim sexually, leading him to ejaculation. This is a control move which leaves the victim totally confused as to his role in the rape - did he in fact contribute, by becoming aroused? It is important to bear in mind that co-operation does not mean consent. Sometimes co-operation with a rapist or abuser is essential to survive the situation. Many men unfortunately find it easier to blame themselves than accept that they were over-powered and raped, in spite of possibly being tricked or manipulated into trusting, or sometimes even feeling an attachment for, their attacker.

It is only by bringing these issues out into the open and discussing them, that we can hope to change society's attitudes so that male rape is seen as the same violent crime as female rape. Rape and Sexual Assault are not about sex or a sexual relationship. They are serious crimes about power, control, humiliation and domination.


Childhood Sexual Abuse


Being both mentally and physically strong is something that society seems to expect of males from a very early age. Some young men will feel that they should be able to physically protect themselves and, when they cannot, they find this hard to accept. Many boys, like all children, find it hard to ask for help when abuse is happening. As they grow up they find it even harder to ask for help. Many boys do not report acts of sexual violence because they see this as a sign of weakness. By accepting that the abuse was not your fault it can only help to shift the feelings of guilt and shame, putting them where they belong, on the perpetrator.



information taken from http://www.male-rape.org.uk/info.htm


some other useful websites for male victims of rape and abuse are:

http://www.rapecrisis.org.uk/malerape2.php

http://www.victimsupport.org.uk/Help%20for%20victims/Different%20types%20of%20crime/Rape%20sexual%20assault%20men

http://www.mankindcounselling.org.uk/

http://www.voicesandfaces.org/survivor_gabe.asp